This 1-inch blob…

Project Carreon-Biadora ver. 1.0

…might not grow up to be the e brightest kid

…but he or she WILL grow up in OUR care.

…he or she might not be the cutest kid around

…but her Mom and I WILL always be around

…every tiny step of the way…

…and who knows, if  we get lucky…

…he or she just might grow up

…to be a future singer,

…or a future artist,

…or a future athlete,

…or a future dean’s lister,

…or a future scientist,

…or a future president of the Philippines,

…or a future astronaut for the flag,

…or a future nobel laureate for humanity…

…who knows,

…he or she just might be THE future.

…but I don’t care what he or she becomes.

…as long as I care about what he or she is right now:

…a 1-inch blob

…I’m eager to shower

…with hope and anticipation.

…All I care about

…is for this 1-inch blob

…to become

…the most beloved

…of all the other tiny blobs

…out there.

It’s funny if you think about it. The miracle of human conception and life has occurred several billions times throughout human history yet it doesn’t fail to inspire wonder and apprehension among simple minded people like me. In this drama, former sperm cells (including yours truly) wiggled in a netherworld of mucus for several agonizing minutes before stumbling upon a sexy-looking ovum bouncing about in a dark canal. Mr. Sperm gives chase, ditches tail then hooks up with Ms. Ovum before both start careening down the highway to life leading to baby homo sapiens just 9 months after.

Fascinating, right? It’s a journey that allows only the toughest to survive.

It’s so tough, in fact, that we only have 6 billion survivors at the moment ready to attest to the difficulty of such a gargantuan undertaking.

What’s so miraculous about that?

I guess some things can only be fully understood and appreciated when you become an active party to it, not just a detached spectator living the moment vicariously. Case in point: I never thought I’d be filled with endless thrill and wonder at the thought of having a child of my own.

Hard to believe, yes, but here I am, gushing like a madman yet again.

Long story short, I never thought I’d be a father.

In fact, there was a point in my life when I swore to myself never to marry, much less sire a child. I was so wrapped with my lofty thoughts and ideals that my world view slowly grew to become a many-headed monster that devoured things like love, religion, loyalty, faith, consistency, and the like. I was just too idealistic to function like a normal human being though I try hard to wear a mask of normalcy on a daily basis.

Add to that the fact that I just CAN’T stand kids. I hate the noise and chaos they pass off as play, their all-consuming need for attention and the darnedest silly questions that they ask day in and day out.

‘tis a good thing indeed that time works wonders in its own ways.

Now, I’ve learned to appreciate life…and its myriad miracles that we take for granted on a daily basis.

Miracles like our little 1-inch blob.

note: this piece first came to mind after I saw an image of my kid for the first time way back August 28, 2009. He/She was two months in utero back then.

Things that I’m doing right now

1. Drawing up a list of names for both sexes…my progeny is 12 weeks old in utero so I don’t know yet.

2. Having anxiety attacks – 3 years of married life wallowing in blissful irresponsibility is about to change soon. heck, am I up to the task?

3. Thinking if  I can out-father my father.  My pop for me is the best dad in the world. He’s not perfect but he’s a hardworking provider, mentor and motivator. Can I fill his big shoes? Time will tell.

4. Checking out baby stuff in the mall with my better half. She used to egg me to that corner where cribs and strollers and mobiles and hotdog pillows are and I used to say, “what for?” Now I can’t reason with her. Ha!

5. Getting my finances in order. I know it’s a daunting, if not a gargantuan task, coming at a time when the economic recession is hitting us the hardest. Time to quit whining and find a way that works.

6. Computing how old I would be when my kid reaches his/her milestones. Target date of birth is April 4, plus/minus two weeks. I’m still 31, going 32 that time. I’ll be 43 when he/she graduates from elementary, 47 when he/she graduates from highschool, 51 when he/she graduates from college. Don’t know if I’m still gonna be working for a call center at that time. Sounds kinda awkward. Would call centers still exist in that distant future? Wouldn’t everyone be communicating with their minds in psychic centers as technology has grown so advanced? Whatever. I’ll just be old when he/she meets the rest of the world. Hopefully , I have a wealth of experience and wisdom to share when that time comes.

This will be my shortest post yet…

I’m gonna be a father soon. WOOOT!

15 of the Biggest, Baddest Animals That Ever Lived

It’s amazing how, over billions of years; the world has been populated by all sorts of strange and wondrous creatures big and small. It would have been a blast to see some of these creatures alive today, although IMHO, a scary handful of them seem to be better off sleeping beneath the rock strata, never to rise again.

I’m in a Discovery Channel mood today so I did a bit of research and came up with this list of the biggest, baddest animals that ever flew, swam or walked the earth. Read on:

Largest “Elephant”: Songhua River Mammoth (China)

• Height: 17ft tall
• Length: 30 feet
• Weight: 11 tons

Songhua Mammoth Size Comparison

Here is a size comparison with the African elephant, the largest living land mammal today.

2. Largest Snake: Titanoboa (Algeria/Egypt)

• Diameter: 3.28 feet at it’s thickest part
• Length: 40-50 ft long
• Weight: 2,500 lbs
  

Titanoboa: the king of snakes

This is one snake you wouldn’t want on a plane…or even outside it.

3. Largest Flying Bird: Argentavis Magnificens (Argentina)

• Wingspan: 5.8–8 m (19 – 26 ft)
• Wing area: nearly 7 m² (75 square ft)
• Wing loading: c. 11.5 kg/m²
• Length: 3.5 m (11.5 ft)
• Height: 1.7–2 m (5.6–6.5 ft)
• Weight: 60–80 kg (140–180 lb)

Argentavis Size Comparison

This is one bird whose eggs you wouldn’t want to steal.

4. Largest Terror Bird: Kelenken (South America)

• Height: 10 feet Tall
• Speed: up to 48 km/h

Feathered Terrorist: Kelenken

This apex predator of South America has the largest known skull of any known bird at 28 inches long, including an 18 inch beak. It has been said that this bird can swallow a medium-sized dog WHOLE. That’s why it belongs to the genus Phorusrhacidae which means “Terror Birds.”

5. Largest Shark Ever: Megalodon (Asia, Australia, Europe, Africa, Americas)

• Length: up to 18 meters/60 ft
  
• Diagonal Teeth height: up to 19cm

Megalodon

Even the biggest Great Whites  would look  like Nemo compared to a Megalodon.

6. Largest Fish:  Leedsichtys (Northern Europe)

• Length: 45 – 72 feet (est.)

The little black smear on the left is actually a human drawn to scale

Biggest Fish that ever lived. The fossils were so hard to put together that it gave rise to its species name of Leedsicthys Problematicus. No joke.

7. Largest Dinosaur : Amphicoelis (USA)

• Length: 190ft
• Height: 30 ft

Weight: 110 tons

The one in red is the Amphicoelias (click to enlarge)

They say the blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived in terms of size and weight. This is the only candidate likely to take both those titles away. Unfortunately, the fossils were LOST. Good job.

8. Largest Amphibian: Prionosuchus (Brazil)

• Length: 30 ft

Prionosuchus

Imagine a salamander that behaves like an alligator, looks like an alligator and occupies the alligator’s niche. You wouldn’t want to skinny dip where it’s at.

9. Largest Mammal: Paraceratherium (China, Mongolia, India)

• Height: 18 ft
• Length: 26 ft
• Weight: 10-20 tons

Paraceratherium size comparison

Imagine Genghis Khan riding in one of these. Uber cool!

10. Biggest Ape: Gigantopithecus (China)

• Height: 10 ft
• Weight: 1200 lbs.

"My pop is this tall!"

Mighty Joe Young? Is that you?

11. Largest Rodent: Josephoartigasia monesi (South America)
·         Length: 10ft
·         Weight: 1 ton

Josephoartigasia: the one-ton rat

Imagine having a house infested by even just one of these “rats”

12. Largest Flying Reptile: Quetzalcoatlus (North America)
·         Wingspan: 40 ft
·         Weight: 127 kg

Quetzalcoatlus size comparison

This huge pteranodon, along with the Hatzegopteryx, has the largest wingspan of any animal that ever lived. Its wingspan is bigger than that of an F-14 Fighter Jet. Quite a sight to behold.

13. Largest Land Carnivore: Spinosaurus (Northern Africa)
·         Length: 52 to 59 ft
·         Weight: 7.7 to 9.9 tons

Spinosaurus size comparison ca. 1915

Sorry, it’s not the T-Rex guys.

14. Largest Arachnid: Pulmonoscorpius
Length: 3.3 feet long

Gaaaa!!!!

Arachnophobes have heart. The largest arachnid ever is not some hairy spider from a horror B-movie. With its large stinger, however, you wouldn’t want this Scorpion within a mile of your backyard.

15. Largest known Land Invertebrate: Arthropleura
·         Length: 8.5 feet
·         Width: 18 inches

"I'm a kick you with my thousand legs!!"

Essentially a giant millipede, this is one critter you’d hate to find under moist logs or rotting vegetation. This is quite possibly an apex predator because of its gigantic size.

primary source: Wikipedia

Master of Macabre Detail

I’ve been browsing DarkRoastedBlend.com’s steampunk series when I came across this weird picture of a church rolling around in battle tank tracks. It was not a real tank (or church) but the image caught my eye so much that I have to dig up the web for more.

The Church that means business

So I  Googled this guy’s name and I found out that the artist is a 35-year old American by the name of Kris Kuksi based in Hays, Kansas. An accomplished painter and sculptor, Kuksi is one of those elect people gifted with that enviable attention to detail and artistry I cannot hope to achieve in a lifetime.

You see, I’ve seen a lot of interesting juxtapositions in 2D and 3D art before but in my opinion, Kuksi’s works set the benchmark for detail and precision. Think Larry Alcala’s “Slice of Life” or Hieronymus Bosch’s “The Garden of Earthly Delights” in 3D and you’ll know what I mean.

His works normally feature a dominant head/skull figure floating above the rest of the tableau filled with chains, columns, mechanical doodads, gothic arches, skeletal remains, rococo patterns and android as well as animal figures in various sizes, stages of emotion and states of mutilation. His finished works are not only rich in detail and tension. They also overflow with socio-political and religious commentary for the discerning eye and mind. One can’t also help but notice the underlying order in the chaotic madness and melancholy juxtaposition of Victorian, modern and mechanical and anatomical elements in each of his impressive sculptural works.

Here are some great samples of his art I got from his website and deviantart account.

The Recreation

Plague Parade, Detail 1

The Deadly Sins

The Great Liberator

The Tower of Babel

Le Tour Macabre

Fall of Rome